What a Year!

Tuesday September 28 I will be one year sober! Alcoholism to me is my #1 disease. Unlike the Multiple Sclerosis, the Alcoholism is a fatal disease. This is why I put it as #1 priority in my life. Its beacause of my sobriety that I have been able to accept my MS with an open mind of optimism. If I had still been drinking back in May when I had my first flair I definately would not have gone to the Opthamologist. I would have totally brushed it off. Maybe even thinking it was a hangover or something. I would not have known, therefore not getting on treatment like I did. So who knows how things would be. I could very well be in a wheel chair???
But for the Grace of God, my Billy, & wonderful sober friends, I am here, I am sober, I am taking care of myself, & I've never been happier in my entire life!!!

When I found out my diagnosis of MS at 8 months sober, the thought of a drink didnt even cross my mind. That is a gift!!!!

Just because you cant see it..........

doesnt mean it isnt there & that I am not feeling it.

I have been so frustrated
I dont know what is worse, the fact that I have MS or the fact that my symptoms are invisible. Its so hard for others to possibly know how I am feeling because they cant SEE it. How do I explain? I do not wish for sympathy only understanding, however how is that to happen when one doesnt understand? Its all quite overwhelming

Snapped out of it!!

Last week was a rough one for me as I had felt so very depressed. I couldn't figure it out & prayed so hard daily to be able to just "snap out of it".
It was quite difficult to do. My fatigue gets so severe that I just cant seem to accomplish even the simple tasks. I think one of the most difficult things for me to deal with is trying to explain how I am feeling. Because most of my symptoms are invisible it makes it difficult for others to understand. I get frustrated, depressed & want to hide at times. The cognitiive problems I am experiencing ie; forgetfulness, word-fishing, not being able to re-call recent occurings, & struggling with attention span are so difficult.

I shall move on however, and try and find humor in these things! :)

My Billy took me to Palm Springs on Sunday to take the Tram up the Mountain so that we could see if I could make the hike to the camp spot that we want to stay at in 2 weeks. I almost gave up, but with taking my time & plenty of rest stops along the way I made the 5 mile trek. I will definately be bringing my walking sticks next time because my balance is way off & my right foot very week from last "flare-up"
The weather was absolutely perfect. About 75 degrees.

I did "snap out of it". Nature and quality time with my man played a huge role in that!

My journey continues.........

NO "why me's"

I haven't had those feelings at all yet & I pray I don't because I feel that would just hinder any attempts of being "pro-active" with MY disease.

My life is to precious to me and such a gift that I wish to cherish it as the gift it is.
"One Day at a Time" an absolute imperative way for me to live not only for my Sobriety but now for my MS.

Since yesterday I was down for much of the day due to the side effects I experience for about a day after my weekly injection of Avonex (inerferon), today I shall focus on my business.
Open up the windows and allow the fresh summer air flow & put on some favorite music. Today I think I'd like to listen to Leonard Cohen & Brian Ferry.

I'm feeling better today, however my body continues to have flu-like aches and seems to have a constant "buzzing" feeling flowing through. Especially noticable below my knees. I am trying also to get used to the fatigue. It's quite forceful!! Like dragging the backs of my hands on the floor. (visual) & 25lb cement blocks for shoes accompanied by a "noodle leg."
In addition to, "Why did I come in here?" & constant word fishing. I'm also in constant battle with my attention span!!
All of that aside.........my life is absolutely wonderful and I am so grateful today!

Re-establishing my business

What a challenge it has been! I have learned so much along the way especially building my website! I am quite exhausted.....but a good tired! I'm so grateful for all the opportunities!

A day to create & listen to music. My kitchen will be my soap factory today. Very easy clean up. As it IS soap after all.